China Business Blog and Podcast

For two decades, the good folks back in the USA have asked me: “What is so great about China?” It’s a fair question, I suppose, coming, as it does, from a people who struggle to locate Seattle on the map. Still, I am a little tired of their pestering me. The time has come to provide a definitive reply in print.

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Of course, I could take the easy way out and reply that China is great because of its “long and storied history” or that its “modern dynamism is unparalleled in the world.” But that would be like saying Hunter S. Thomson was a “good” writer.

China (and the good doctor) deserves more. I have come up with a list. A definitive list.

The Top 20 Reasons to Love China:
(with apologies to talk show hosts and their lawyers)

1. China is the only place on earth where you can see a man pedaling a bicycle loaded with two butchered pigs, a living room sofa and two family members. And he is not even breathing hard.
2. The Chinese word for “mother” and the word for “horse” are separated by just one tone, leaving open a world of possible insults for the sloppy student of the language.
3. A black GM sedan is the coolest car on the road…this IS your father’s Oldsmobile!
4. You are acclaimed a “China Expert” by local acquaintances the minute you come close to properly pronouncing ni hao and know the meaning of the word guanxi.
5. At the same time, these same Chinese acquaintances will correct your mispronounciation of ever other Chinese word, which will fill you with a sense of belonging, knowing as you do that they now feel comfortable enough to tell you what they really think.
6. When someone asks you whether they drive on the right or the left side of the road in China, you can truthfully answer: “both.”
7. Reading an EKG report is easier than deciphering Chinese calligraphy, even for many locals.
8. It is not impolite to slurp your noodles, ask someone’s age or how much money they make. Eat your heart out, Ms. Manners.
9. You can buy a Spongebob Squarepants doll while visiting the Great Wall, thereby gaining an immediate understanding of the clash of civilizations without having to read Samuel P. Huntington.
10. One’s heart rate after crossing the street on foot is roughly equivalent to a 20 minute Stairmaster workout.
11. The answer given to me by a Shanghai native when I asked how he knew if a Chinese sign should be read left to right or right to left: “I read it one way. If it doesn’t make any sense I read it the other way.”
12. The look on the face of a foreigner at his first formal banquet when he receives an answer to the question, “What is this I am eating?”
13. Dogs here understand commands in Chinese better than I do.
14. The always empty Rolex brand store 200 meters from Xiangyang market.
15. Fortune cookies are NOT a Chinese invention; spaghetti is.
16. Not only can you turn right on a red light, you can do so without stopping.
17. Even though China’s per capita GDP is one-twentieth that of the US, Starbucks charges the same price for a cup of coffee in China as they do in the States.
18. The taxi sign reminding you to take everything with you, the English translation of which reads: “Don’t forget to hold your thing.”
19. A coupon to the local go-kart track, good for “One free ride” and “One free beer” at the bar, which stipulates that the beer must be consumed before taking the free ride.
20. You get to eat with sticks.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 12th, 2009 at 11:46 am and is filed under culture, humor, podcast. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.