China can design them … but driving them??
March 13th, 2009 by Kent KedlIt seems like the world has pretty much given up on the automotive industry. Watching economic gravity suck down the Big Three is the new spectator sport in the U.S., the Ultimate Fighter Smackdown with four-on-the-floor. The U.S. consumer is actually saving money (or at least is not spending it so quickly) and the money they are saving seems to be coming from NOT purchasing a new car every time the ashtrays fill up. I’m just waiting for “Pimp My Ride – The Repo Season” to start up on MTV.
But, like many things in the global economy, the China auto industry is still coming along OK. GM just upped their forecast for sales for this year (not that this will reduce the more-gruel-sir handout they are getting from the U.S. government). In fact, China’s vehicle sales accelerated 25 percent in February, reversing from a 14-percent drop a month earlier, as demand for small cars surged after the government launched stimulus measures. It is reported that was the first year-on-year gain since last October when the financial crisis began to take its toll.
It was also just announced that China’s second largest auto firm – inappropriately named “First Auto Works” or FAW – is working with a Mexican group to build China-designed cars for the North American market. After Chery and Chrysler pulled back from their sales agreement, this could be the biggest chance for a China auto group to penetrate the U.S. market. China is also being lauded as the next place for auto innovation as Chery is developing their new battery powered car. Several years ago Chinese designers were winning the Yugo Award for Crappy Auto Design and now they are ripping up Motown. Go figure.
This is all well and good. But have any of these journalists actually DRIVEN on Chinese roads lately and seen how cars are used? I mean, c’mon! China has over 100 car manufacturers churning out ever more makes and models of cars and its tough to tell your QQ from your Spark these days (Hint: look for the annoying logo of the hydrocephalic penguin to find the QQ). In the pre-consolidation dawn of the China auto industry, there are going to be some winners and losers, so instead of using brand names to identify cars – brands which may or may not be around in a few years – I like to identify cars on China’s roads by their function – how they are actually used by their drivers. I have come up with several types:
The In-Santana-ty: these are typically ancient model VW Santana cars, often purchased used and driven by individuals who have NO business operating any road vehicle, let alone a car. You can trust these vehicles to be weaving between lanes, braking for no apparent reason and stopping in the middle of the street. These cars typically have major dents on them as living proof of the driver’s lack of skills. When one encounters such a vehicle, give it wide berth because, sure as they don’t wash their car, they don’t give a rat’s hind end about yours either.
The next type is what I call the Speed Bump and it refers to any of the mini-sized vehicles on the road in China, so easily trampled underneath the treads of other cars. The leader of these is the QQ – of the aforementioned penguin brand – and they look like Matchbox cars on the road compared to real sedans. These things cost something like $49.95 plus tax and I think you can buy them in a gumball machine, packaged in a plastic bubble [I always get the cheap plastic ring when I try, but I am just an unlucky person]. Speed Bumps are often manual transmission and are powered by an engine measured in hamster- (not horse-) power. I think they even squeak when you squeeze them. In developed nations these engines power riding lawnmowers in the suburbs, hauling around overweight, middle-aged men in shorts, black socks and sandals. Here they haul extended families of seven with one child and a nephew in the glove compartment.
A third type are those owned by young parents who liberally affix “Baby On-Board” stickers to their rear bumpers … and then refuse to use car seats to strap in said precious cargo. Many is the time that I see a parent driving and a 3 year old child running laps in the back seat, occasionally dong the Fossbury Flop over the front passenger headrest to land in the lap of the other over-indulgent parent riding shotgun. Just imagine the horrendous results of an accident … the kid will be bouncing around the car’s interior like a ping-pong ball in a Lotto draw. I call these cars, sadly, a Baby Rattle.
So yes, let us now praise the China auto industry. It is on life support and yet is the clear global winner in the Global Automotive Zombie-fest. But let’s also admit that, for every cool new battery powered car being developed in China, there are 3 million people driving backwards down the freeway because they missed their exit.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
This is funny. And you make some excellent points too; however, I don’t think anyone is really saying that the Chinese are inventing GREAT technology yet — just that they’re working on it.
I find it interesting that, until very recently, most Chinese automakers were content to simply assemble cars designed by their foreign JV partners. They seemed to be under the impression that all they needed to master this industry was to learn assembly.
Now they have got religion, and all of the Chinese manufacturers are pouring as much as they can into R&D. They aren’t there yet. But they will be.
Remember how we laughed at Toyotas back in the ’70s?